i m surprised too dat u will still pop by here.
ur tears is juz a short-term, momentarily feature.
once u r over me, it will disappear too.
and maybe it will be sooner den u tink.

i owed u happiness, becoz i dun tink u r really happy with me for the past few mths.
u may tink juz being with me, u will be happy, but search ur heart truthfully,
if that is true, we wun have reached this stage.
anyway, it doesnt matter now.
as wat i said, u will be over me soon.
open ur heart to others ard u bah.
coz as much as i would like to, i know i juz cant give u the commitment u always wanted.

maybe we shld not meet too often un-necessarily too.
i finally realised after yest's meeting, its hard to be friends after lovers.
u prob dun feel it, but i felt the awkardness.
i finally saw the chemistry btw u n LS dat i nvr noticed b4.
and the gap btw us.
maybe i juz need time.



yeah, it was kinda surprisingly that u came in earlier than i expected.
whether i will be a happier person from now onwards, i am not sure yet...

well, will a person be happy, if she needs to tear herself to sleep and wakes up again with tears covering her face??
what are u owing me for a long time? happiness? laughter?
if you haf actually realised, being with you is already a form of happiness, then what else are you still owing me??

SasH.



i read this. faster den u expected me to.
all becoz u took 1 step earlier den me in leaving ur last words here.
since u have said everyting dat needs to be said, i guess i cant really say much now.
i noe u will be a happier person from now on.
i owed u this a long time ago.



7 May 2009, Thursday.

This marks the end of piggies wonderland...
This marks the end of Sash & Jo...
This marks the end of my tear for you...
This marks the end of our love, yet the beginning of our friendship...

Nevertheless, I've never regretted loving you, even with the rest of my life...
And as usual, I think you won't even noticed anything that I have posted anyway...
But I still wanna say, Thank you, for being part of my life.

Always loving you,
SasH.



damnit! i regretted taking a late afternoon nap and waking up at a bloody 8.30pm on a sunday night!
went out to buy dinner and only get to eat it around 9+pm, now my stomach is still so full~~!!~~!!! arghhz.
i can't sleep and dearie has already tucked in to bed hours ago. *sobz*
sigh, i should go read a book now, instead of facing my lappie.
*ROARSSS*

- SasH -



Today we came across this horoscope analysis on a particular magazine and it wrote that I should jot down more happy things, rather than the sad ones so that in the future, I am able to read all those happy moments before.

Yup, today was a happier day too. We had a simple dinner over at Jurong East Central, then proceed down to Jurong Point new extension for desserts at New York New York.

It was actually a normal meet-up and dinner, but the time spent together was priceless.
I always love the moment when I see her smiling at me.
I always love the moment when she told me she managed to close another new life policy.
I always love the moment when she's happy, holding my hands and walking down the streets.
I always love the moment, when she kisses me lightly on my lips, and say "Gdnite, Dear."

- SasH -



We had such a wonderful dinner and time together last night.

I love the moment when we sat down quietly at the Esplanade bay, looking over at the high-rise office buildings, listening and singing to our favourite tunes and eating our nice cakes...

Seems like it has been a long time since we had such a romantic moment for only both of us.
You're always busy with appointments and work, and I am always not there when you are down.

But I promise you I will always be there, when you needed me the most.
My love for you has became a poison for myself, too strong and too potent that I am unable to find a cure for it.
My love for u, has became too addictive for me to kick away this habit.
My love for u, will never change, regardless what we will be in the end...
I love you.

-SasH-



Happy Birthday to you...

And I wish to say this to you, years after years...



SasH



i finally read ur posts.
i didnt know if i shld reply anything, but i guess i shld.

我没想过我那无心的一句话，会伤你那么深。对不起。

”也许, 我们该给彼此多一点的时间, 好好的想一想我们真的还爱着对方吗?“
可能吧。
可能我已习惯你从前对我的酷，不习惯你最近对我的要求。

可是请你想信，我对你的伤害是无心无意的。



哪晚的我，满脸泪水。
只有这首歌，陪着我，一起哭泣。
这首梁文音的歌太棒了。
它能让我在夜深人静的时候，哭了好几个钟头。


今天的我，还是一样，听了好几遍。
但今天的我，已不再哭泣了。
我学会了勇敢。
我学会了勇敢的去面对一切的不逾快。

我终于能把眼泪给淹盖了。
这是我答应我自己得做到的。



我不是你想象那么的勇敢.
今天的心情不是很好.
因为你在别人的面前对我说了最痛心地话.
你好不起眼的说: " Does it makes a difference who's holding the card now?"
果然在你眼中, 我已经不是你心里最重要的那一个了.
我撤底的伤心, 痛心, 绝望...

我真的不知道为什么我们会变成这样?
或许, 我真的变了.
变得非常需要你, 非常希望你能像已前一样的哪么爱我, 疼我.
人是犯溅的.
当别人对你很好的时侯, 你却觉得他很烦, 没适着去体谅.

这是我第 N 次的痛哭了.
但今天我学会了在你面前把泪往肚子里吞.
今天我没无理趣闹.
也许, 我成熟了.
或许, 我心灰了.

我已经感觉不到你对我的爱了.
反而, 你所谓的 "Fantastic 3" 已把我的位子给取代了.
我很累, 真得不知道为何我好像一个大傻瓜.
我真的累了, 但我面对你的时候, 我却说不出口.

我不知道你何时才会看到这一页.
也许这里对你来说, 已被亿忘了.
但我始终没把这里给抛弃.
也许, 我们该给彼此多一点的时间, 好好的想一想我们真的还爱着对方吗?
你认为呢?

我讨厌夜晚.
我讨厌在这时候像个孩子一样的痛哭.
我都说了,
我不是你想象那么的勇敢.

- SasH -



hahaha silly ger, the sun was pretty glaring, but i didnt have much time to show off my "yao yeng" shades! but i still wore it as often i can lah...hahah....

every nite sky i looked up to, reminds me dat i will be 1 day closer to seeing u again! :)

err i dunno abt winter hols, but batam during ur bdae? can be considered...*winkz*

lots of love.



OMG! Just received an sms from Dearie when I'm already supposed to blog about how many hours you've been gone for Batam! *Weeee~~~*

34 hours and 12 minutes without you. its' raining outside now. What about your side? Did you enjoy yourself? How's the Sun in Batam? Glaring enough for you to act cool with your shades and "emo-ing" by the beach? *winkz*

How I wish I can be there, basking in the Sun with you too. We can relax by the beach, drinking glasses of fruit punches and reading our very own local magazine, I weekly (or 8 days for "Jiak Gan Dan(s)" like you), =P

Will I get it for my soon-to-come birthday present? Sighh...I would much prefer a winter X'mas in Hong Kong or a white X'mas in New York!!! PARFAIT!!

Oh well, happy dreaming. ;(

34 hours and 55 minutes, counting down....

-SasH-



Dearest dearie,

I didnt forget this blog! I may not have blogged in it often, or even stepped in it everyday, but rest assured, it will always be embedded in 1 small little corner of my heart, becoz the rest of my heart is filled with you, da mei and xiao mei! :)



I felt so sorry for neglecting this blog. And probably, you have forgotten about this blog too....*shrugs*

-SasH-



i m sry for making u cry again.
i guess u muz be rather sick of hearing me say this so many times, n yet end up making u cry again.
but i really dunno wat else to say.
maybe i have been too selfish, only considering my own feelings, and imposing my thoughts and emotions on u.
i m sry, i will try not to let u cry becoz of me again.

我愿意放弃每天的大魚大肉, 只为了和你一起吃粗茶淡饭



If only........

u know i will give up almost anything else juz to spend some time with u
u know i act dumb juz becoz i wan ur attention
u know i go all clingy on u becoz i wish u would do the same back
u know sometimes i purposely do things i know u don't like, hoping u would care
u know all i have been trying to do these days is to patch up our physical attraction
u know sometimes i dread to think of u so much, i have to force my mind away
u know although eventually i know u dun mean to 'bully' me, i cant help feeling a tinge of hurt
u know i can take jokes, but not really when it involves emotions

but i guess prior to this, u prob don't....

"when the time comes, i will hold your hand and never let go"
dats the sweetest promise i ever heard.
and the only 1 dat i will remember for a long time.



popping in to say I LOVE YOU!
cant wait 4 us to get our own hse (or room rather), den its heaven at nite!
i promise i will try to prepare bfast 4 u as often as i can k? :p

PS: wo(3) yuan(4) yi(4) zhuo(4) ni(3) de zhong(1) dian(2) nan(2) yong(1)! :)



Baby's first day @ Work today!! And her first dinner was with another girl, but not me!!! *ROARSSSS*

I'm missing you....FASTER COME HOME AR!!! *Grinz*

With Love,

老婆仔



baby, i m finally home.
thank you so much for coming to see me.
i can sense the tears welling in ur eyes on the 1st day, but i know u didnt wan me to be sad, so u held them bk.
but i know.
coz i have been looking at u every min i can.
becoz i haven seen u for so long, and i didnt know if i could see u again soon.

the 2nd day u came, u were much happier.
maybe coz i was healthier.
but wateva the case, its nice to see u smile.
i missed seeing u smile.
i missed hearing ur repetition of events over and over again.
i missed holding ur hands.
i missed being my face close to urs deliberately, juz to hint for a kiss.
i missed enveloping u in my arms.
basically, i juz missed u.

i have to be stuck at home for the next 2-3wks at least.
and dat means i cant see u again. :(
fortunately, i got sum of my voice bk, so the nights wun be as lonely as b4.
i hope dat it will be the 1st n last time u see me in hospital too.
coz it hurts to see u sad too.

i will take care of myself, dats my promise to u.



Baby has been admitted to CGH today. Ward 48, bed 24. Nearly cried when I see baby lying down on the bed and can't even talk. =(

Each time I see u coughin so badly, my heart just aches. I tried to control my tears because I dun wan baby to be sad cuz' of this as well. Godness of Mercy, please bless my baby to recover soon. She has already lost the smile on her face. I dun wish to see her in this state anymore.

Baby, promise me once u recovered, u gonna take very good care of your own health. Next time if u're feelin any unwell, PLEASEEEE go and see a doctor immediately and do not keep dragging on. And u said u'll be stronger and healthier than me so that you can take good care of me, once you see this blog entry, you must do it for me okie !!

My tears are rollin down now. But you will only see it after u discharged. Please, I hope this will be the one and only time I'm gg to a hospital to visit you.

Dear God, please bless my baby with good health and protect her from any harm...please. *tears*



Human Tap
That flows naturally down for two days, up till now.
I don't wanna be the clown. I didn't act as one in the first place.
But maybe, I gave you the feeling of that.

My emotions flow parallel to yours.
The pain, piercing through the heart,
The Human Tap flows again.
Endlessly flow of tears. A water sign indeed.

Heck the devils. Heck the entire ugly world.
As we are the angels that live in the dark world.
Freedom is what we hope to acheive,
Time is all we needed.

One of the dark angel said,
As you emo, I'll be the eyes for you to tear.
And a smile from me, is a smile I want to you.

SasH



something for U...





i m a typical piscean too.
emotional. evasive. stubborn. sensitive. rash.
i know sometimes i really think too much, when its uncalled for.
i try not to let it affect anything, let it pass like a floating cloud.
but i guess sometimes i juz ain't strong enough.
but believe me, all those clouds are not gonna take away an ounce of ur place in my heart.

dun blame urself for this.
if there should be anything wrong btw both of us, the blame shld be shared btw us.
becoz we are no longer 2 individuals, but 1.



Sometimes, I just had the tendency to remain silent. Keeping myself to this corner that only belongs to me.

A very typical cancerian I'm. One, whom loves her home more than anyone does. I may seems to have this bo-chup attitude at times, but only those who're close to me knows very well how sensitive and observant I can be. I dun usually mention out my opinions, till the other party takes the initiative. This is my character.

I'm not good in words. Neither am I in expressing out my feelings. But one thing for sure, I'm not trying to be cool, or wad-so-ever. Its' innate. I dun even have to TRY.

When I'm not showing extra care and concern, you will feel neglected at times. I truly understand that, thou' I know wadever happens, I'll always have a place in your heart. We might seems like an old married couple, not much excitement in our lives.

Guess, I'm really to be blamed. =(

SasH.



i dunno why, and i cant explain, but sometimes i juz feel dat u dun really care much.
there will always be things dat will precede me. at times.
sometimes i feel dat we are already behaving like an old married couple.
maybe its juz me.
dun ask me to explain further, i cant.

hmm, dats all for now i guess.

but i STILL love you all the same. STILL very much. :)



在这样的夜晚,你会不会想起我?

its been quite sometime since any of us wrote in here.
poor neglected blog.
so shall juz leave some words.

nearly every1 who knows u, tells me u r almost the best i had, if u not already are.
said i shld treasure u, becoz its very hard to find sum1 like u.
and i agree.
dats why despite how strong the temptation can get, i will always tell myself never to hurt u.
pple say, girls need to be coaxed, humoured and told dat they r loved.
and i guess i never really did most of dat.
not becoz i didnt wan to, but becoz i didnt wan to say it too often and come across as frivalous.
but i guess, a few times wun hurt? :p

its 30mins more to our 5mths anniversary.
i m not gd with words, or how to express myself.
but at the very least, this i still know how to say.
from the bottom of my heart,

i love u.



the last time u said this to me was on the 13th of Jan.
now, i wanna say this to u another 20 more times:

i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u
i love u

i typed every of the letters myself u know. :)

and to end this off,
i miss u.



n yes, u r right.
the smile on my face is definitely cuz of u. :)
was debating whether to go down to find you or go for lesson earlier on.
but without much of a struggle, the 1st option won hands down.
if i could have my way, nothing beats seeing u.
and of coz the snuggling next to u in the bus. :)

cant wait for fri too.
dunno whether u will like the place, so juz gonna take a chance. heh.

sry for not being able to acc u these few wkends.
i promise i will leave more time for u in the mths to come.
but i juz wan u to noe, even if i dun say it often, all those days where we cant be physically together, u will always be in my heart and mind.

lots of love,

Jo



Poor little baby Minn Minn is sick. "fever+flu+sore throat+ulcer all in 1." This was what she wrote. Awww~~~~

Despite she's STILL sick, she came down to look for me after my work today. Accompanied her for dinner at the HK Cafe over at Marina Square. The soup-based noodles is nice!! Ok fine, I only love the soup, heehee!

Finally seen a smile on Minn's face. Definitely cuz of me. *winkz* Last seen her on Sunday over at her workplace for merely couple of minutes, didn't really talk to her too. =(

Lookin' forward to our dinner on Friday. I dunno wad crazy ideas u're having on your mind again, so I'll just anticipate it. All Sats for Feb should be more or less reserved for you, unless otherwise stated. =P

I'll change my job soon. Getting sick and tired of it. Hopefully I get into the one which pays me higher moolahs and better benefits. In this case, I'll have more $$ and time to accompany my baby to go around Spore for better food!! Who knows, you might be getting a TRIP TO HONGKONG for your upcoming bday??!! *cross fingers*

In the meantime, I'll try to save up more $$ to get my driving license as well. So maybe 1 year down the road, after you graduated and found a stable job, we can share to get a car of our own ya!! *Grinz*

Love,

SasH.



we already dun have much time together, and it will only get lesser as the days go by.
but there seems to be no increase in TLC btw us.
u dun catch my hints and i dunno how to ask for it outright. *shrugz*

PS: i m not complaining, its juz a spur-of-a-moment thought to blog it in.

ok, better get outta here b4 i start blogging rubbish.

ltr,
jo



time passes really fast.
b4 we know it, its already 2007.
sch is starting again for me, and its gonna be a hellish last semester.
and u will prob be much busier at work.
we are prob not able to see each other as much as b4.
i dunno how will things turn out, but i guess the politically correct answer is dat we both will be mature and understanding enough to handle wateva dat comes?

funny thing is, for the past few days, i thought of things to tell u over here, but when i finally face the screen now, my mind is pretty blank.

as i saw my cousin and his gf during the dinner juz now, and my granny and mum asking them to quickly get married, something struck me.
its a nice feeling when ur partner can be recognised by ur family and frenz.
no need to hide ard, no lies, no need for fake niceties and blah.
u both are seen as one, in the eyes of all who matters.
both of u can attend family gatherings, lunches, dinners and wat-nots together, officially.
it juz seems nice to me, maybe becoz i nvr had the chance of experiencing it. *shrugz*

one of the things i will miss doing, is looking at u slp b4 i knock off too, and looking at u with ur eyes still closed when i wake up.
and cooking for u in my kitchen while u settle urself comfortably in my living rm with tv and newspapers.

PS: i wish i can be the 1st to wish u Happy New Yr 2008 in Tsim Sha Tsui under the fireworks-lit sky too. :)



after i read ur entry, tears came for the 2nd time since xmas nite.
but dis time, instead of fear and sadness, it stemmed from happiness and guilt.
happy coz u loved me, and still do.
guilty coz i allowed myself to love u lesser.

dun underestimate the mind, it can make one do things which their heart doesnt wish to do.

i love u,
Jo

PS: i changed the PW to our anniversary date (in the ring).



The rain has been pouring the whole day since morning. Woke up with a lethargic feeling and dragged myself to work. The last message you sent was still in my inbox.

"4get it, I dun expect u to understand nway. Nitez."
It hurts. The pain I felt when I saw this reply. I dun even dare to call you back, thou' on the other end, you hope to see my name appearing on the incoming call sign.

I chose to set my phone to silent mode. Lie on my bed and closed my eyes. This time round, there wasn't any tears involved. Just a message, that pierced thru' the heart.

I had illusions of you appearing in my head. I need to concentrate on work, but I can't. My fingers automatically typed out "voices" that I wish to say in my heart. I finally saw your replies. I was smiling to myself after that. *grinz*






i cant expect u to really understand the impact of wat i told u last nite, coz u have never experienced it b4.
i dunno how to fully explain it to u,
but i can only say its nothing good at all.
i was hoping so badly for u to call last nite, even though i told u not to.
but u called when i m not ard (not dat its ur fault).
maybe its easy for u to say "lets meet less often" becoz u dun feel much of the impact, but i do.
honestly, i dunno wat to do from now.
all i noe is dat i have to kp u away from my parents' clutches and hold on to this r/s for as long as i can.
if i sounded mean or harsh these days, i m sry. i didnt mean to make u unhappy.



romance in the rain.
dats wat we had yest.
enjoyed every min of it.
including the part where u got high on ur own. :p
but the best part was still the 21-sec feat.
too bad it wasnt done in 1 go. :p
but time always passes faster.
and eventually, we both have to split up to 2 diff ends of the island.
guess the next time i will get to see u might be next wkend.
will try to plan something nice this time.
and a surprise for u. *zip* :)

till den, i love u.



me again, coz the other half got nothing to write.
m typing this while eating rocky road choc from aussie, and watching the other half performing in front of her webcam. lol.
hmmz dis 2 days r great.
met her at clarke quay after her dinner.
i swear she was damn lucky dat day.
made some peanut tang yuan 4 her, which she ate in the bus.
i personally dun tink its very nice, but she still made herself eat most of it, guess coz i made it.
dats juz how nice she is. *shakes head*
spent the whole nite together, and she came over my place to stay. :)
but by the time we both bathed finish, we were both too tired to do anything else (esp her). shrugz.
but..........when the lights r off...............and we r inches away from each other..........*grinz*
and dis morn she was still as lucky, and managed to avoid seeing my parents!! *shakes head*
and i had to ans my mum's questions on my own after dat. lol.
went for bfast, bot 4D, den she went home
meeting her tmr for the whole afternoon and nite again!! :)
but time spent w her always seem to pass faster. urgh.
so i guess all i can do is enjoy n treasure every min of it.
so dun kp asking me to quarrel lah! heh.
shall come bk w more updates.



yupz back, but i dun really noe how to continue the prev post liao, coz i realised its already super long, so i guess i will juz post an ending to it b4 i get cut off.
i guess by now u would prob have read the post already, given ur gan chiong nature.
i hope it didnt leave any negative thoughts on u.
hmmz but judging by ur reaction on the webcam, seems ok....
i hoped i more or less told u wat u wan to noe for now.
other issues can be settled when it crops up again bah.



i told u i will give u a reply to ur post, so here is it.

honestly, part of me is glad dat u are finally willing to express exactly wateva u feel, be it bad or good, coz i m getting abit tired of guessing.
i dun have the courage to ask u outright, and sumtimes u dun really give me much of an answer, but i still wanna noe wats wrong n try to do sumting, so i guess.
but at the end of the day, i still dun really noe if my guesses r right or wrong, becoz i suppose u r able to make the issue miraculously disappear after a while.
u told me b4, as long as i m willing to accept wateva answer u give me, bad or good, u will be totally open n honest abt ur feelings. and i said yes, i will. and i still meant wat i said to dis day.

however, part of me do hope not to read such a post. coz at the 1st instance, i really dunno wat to do. i cant brush the issue away as much as i would like to sumtimes, becoz u said it urself, it will come bk 1 day. but i dun really noe how to react to it, coz i never really thought abt it. in the 1st place, i didnt even expect any1 to tok 2 u abt it, coz i noe u will be affected. i noe shldnt even tok to ANYONE abt it coz words r never safe, but sumtimes i juz cant control myself, i juz need to get sum words out, b4 everyting will be ok. but i guess, sumtings cannot be hidden and brushed under the carpet forever.

i dun expect u to behave like my mum and write me long long emails becoz i noe dats not ur style. i dunno if i like u to kp asking and asking questions coz i oso noe dats not ur style too. maybe i was too used to the past, when my ex used to control most of wat i do and ask me alot of questions. after sumtime, i wun say i enjoy her doing that, but i grew numb to it, such dat i became used to my partner asking me questions over every single thing. so when i m with u, and u gave me nearly complete freedom, it felt abit weird. but its not ur fault, u are right, we are both adults and shld behave like 1. which is why when yiwei told me to behave like a kid occasionally when i wan abit more attention from u, and dat behaving childishly at times is fine, i told her no. maybe its my ego, or my character, but i juz cant really see myself being childish when my partner is mature, and prob u wun really like dat too.

i dunno whether wat i said above gave u any sort of answer, becoz i never really took the time to seriously think abt dis. coz all this while i only have 1 principle with regards to this matter, as long as it will make u unhappy but it is not serious enough for me to brg it up, i will not say anything unless forced. becoz sumtings, i juz need time to tink them through, b4 i can have my own answer. wat i hate most is not a negative outcome, its not knowing the outcome at all. wateva i m writing now, is juz wateva dat comes to mind.

i really appreciate everyting u have done for me, and all the care and concern u shown to me. i noe u are also trying as hard to make me happy, juz as i am to u. i can see all that, i really can. which only makes me even more wanting to protect and kp u happy for as long as i can. becoz there are not many pple in this world who r willing to do wat u are willing to do, n i noe i have treasure u while u are still ard. i m not a very expressive person, i m bad at words. maybe dats why u feel dat i hide alot of things from u or dat i dun say as much as u would like me too. but i juz wan to say, there r times when i m really very unhappy over some things dat may or may not concern u, and dat i really really hoped dat u will be there, and i noe u will if i asked, but i juz cant get the words out. i noe its wrong, but sumtimes i juz feel dat i shldnt kp bothering or relying on u so much, becoz i noe if i m unhappy, u will be too, and u will try to cheer me up. and i really really appreciate dat, but i will feel abit guilty for making u do dat. dun ask me why i feel dat way, coz i dunno why too.

ok, i guess i have to stop here, have to run errands for mum. tok to u 2nite. love u.



hope u liked the dinner yest.
but i m so sry u had to freeze thru dinner, i didnt expect it to rain. :(
hmm i wanted to let u have an experience of snow coz u said u liked to have a winter christmas and dis is the best i can do to fufiling that wish, but was quite disappointed dat the snow was pretty fake. urgh.
but honestly, u were really cute when u tried protecting ur cup of tea from the falling "flakes" though. lol.
and thank you darling, for purposely braving the rain juz to get the wallet for me.
now i muz kp praying that u wun fall sick if not i will be damn guilty.
and yup, once again, u made me smile all the way home. :)

and i will still say dis over and over again, "i love u".



Seriously, i'm beginning to be bored of being socially and politically correct. So you really do wanna know how I felt, each time you told me you're going out with this ger or your ex, or wadsoever??

You really want me to squeeze out each and every details from you before I can feel safe?? You really think that I'm not feeling a tinge of jealousy when you said you wanna go JB with your friend?? You really think I can always be so cool and doesn't show any concern to your matters??

Is this wad you really wanna see in this entry? Do I really have to follow wad your mom has always been doing, typing a very long email telling you how I feel?? I mean, we're all adults. Sometimes, its not always one party to take on the proactive role. It takes two to clap. But wads the point if the other party always put on a brave front infront of you and assuring you there's nuting wrong with her?? I'm not someone who's going to pursue the matter further, in order to get the finalised answer. If this is the answer you're going to give me, I'll just accept it. Period.

I hate typing this over here. In fact, its hurting me. Maybe we should really quarrel one day. A big quarrel might just do us good, somehow or rather.

I dunno how you'll feel after reading this. But since you prefer me to express myself more, this is wad I expressed.

edited: I'm sorry if I sounded harsh. I don't really mean it that way, hope you understand how I feel. Please give me a buzz immediately after you read this.

SasH.



Dear is not in a very good mood these few days. Troubled with money, parents and lack of sleep. Especially money issue which gave her a great headache. Worst, I can't be of much help. Urghz.

Anyhows, we did have fun over at HerStory on Thurs. Its' sort-of the first time clubbing with you and the first time u've seen me dancing like a siao charbo, haha. Didn't really get very drunk cuz' we only had a jug of Vodka lime which taste like only lime juice. -.-"

This pig over here can't really dance. Maybe its the music, haha. She was practically stoning the whole nite, looking at how my xiao mei and her gf groove to the music. I was very happy cuz' I can finally stand beside and chat with Rice. Even her gf spoke to me, thou' its only for a short while, but I'm really very glad that we can somewhat clique now. No more silly words like, "Damn, its' Sash. Wad the hell is she doing here?! You better don't talk to her." Oh well~~

Dear was happy that she finally waited for it to happen. Who ask you NOT-TO take the initiative earlier on?! I'm not someone who takes initiative so easily too. So, blame who? haha. Anyway, I'd already forseen it to happen on that night. And after reading the analysis from the magazine I bought earlier on, I was laughing to myself too. Seriously, the feeling is good and as you can see, I'm actually quite inexperience in it. *Blush*

Why I don't really like to do it in the public cuz' I don't like the attention seek from outsiders, regardless during the time when I was still straight or now. Not that I'm shy or wad, just that when I saw others doing it along the streets or in town, all I think of is that they're just trying to put up a show for everyone to see. Well, I guess I'm just too conservative bout' it, wadever~ =P

Right, our 3rd month is coming real soon, follow by the festive seasons. Stupid department's dinner on the 22nd that spoilt the whole thing she planned. Gonna forward it to the 19th which I felt uber guilty. The mood is just not right for the 19th. But don't worry dear, I'll definitely rush down to meet you after my department's dinner ok?

I've got something for you. I hope you like it. *Winkz*

Till then,

SasH.



not in a very gd mood today, as u can read from my blog.
but i still wanna say i love clubbing and spending the nite w u.
cant wait to do it again soon.

i love u.



gg zouk w u ltr.
cant wait! :)
couldnt really slp last nite, i tink too kan cheong lah. heh.
too bad we both gotta work on fri, if not can laze in bed longer and have more pte time. heh.
looking forward to everyting we have in plan dis mth.
dinner, facial, countdown, etc. :)
time spent w u is always the nicest.
but its always the fastest too. urgh.

sometimes i wish u can be juz dat little bit more zu dong.
shrugz.

but wateva it is, i still love u. :)



finally completed vivo.
became a piece of toufu liao.
but the best nite was still the nite u came over to my place. :)
heck care the fact dat i only slept ard 3+ and had to wake up at 7+. heh.
yeah, was occasionally miao-ing at u while u were slping coz i cannot slp mah. heh.

sat nite was the very 1st time u said 'wo xiang ni' out of ur own accord.
dat msg will always be in my brain.
cant wait 4 the 14th too. :)

10 days more, and its 3 whole mths.
no anniversary date dis mth, but i noe its not ur fault.
funny, dis time, time seems to past pretty slowly.
felt like i have been waiting for the 22nd dec for a long long time. shrugz.

u r still as cool as the 1st time i knew u.
dunno how u can do it when i have to act cool most of the time.
prob u dun see the pt, but i dunno how to explain. shrugz.

awaiting ur next entry,



Wad a nice and lazy sat afternoon where I'd the luxury to woke up just at this hour and poor fat pig is working so hard over at Vivo today, *bleahz* But hey, I'm not a pig okie! *grinz*

Went over to dear's place last night, after chilling-out at Prinsep St with fruit juice and shisha. We reached home at around 130am, both of us are totally exhausted. Shortly after shower, guess I slpt at around 230am, not sure about that fat pig, heh.

Poor thing, woke up at 715am this morning, with merely about 5hrs of sleep. I'm okie with it since I can continue sleeping once I reached home, but she has to work till around 3am today. There's some midnight shopping thingy over at Vivo and she has to endure till around that timing. Worst thing is, she even has to work on Sunday, reporting time 9am!! Goodness, for the sake of moolahs, this silly fat pig is willing to do anything for it. Sigh.

Alrite, time to go prepare for dinner over at Bedok Market 85 later. Meeting my sec sch clique at 630pm later. Hiong will be driving us there again. I just lurve hanging out at night, especially when there's a car fetching you all around Singapore. *wide grinz*

Waiting for dear's entry, till then,

-SasH-



nothing much to do liao, so shall blog sumting here while waiting 4 u to come bk.
ayee i got so fat meh.....always call me fat pig!! grrrrr.
the most i try to jian fei loh. bleahz.
and ur entry ah, really quite bo liao lah, until i oso dunno wat to reply liao.
hmmz hao xiang gai jiang de wo dou jiang guo le leh.

oh! juz saw u come in. lol.
ok, i noe u will prob chase me to go study once u see this.
soon soon!

seeing ya tmr again! weee!
and tmr is my last paper!
tmr shld be a nice day. :)

but dec gonna be busy liao.
the only wkend i can spend w u is after the 23rd. urgh.
cant starhub give me wkday slots instead!
but anyway, i still cant wait 4 the 22nd dec! *winkz*
no point trying to ask me wats in store. *zip*

oh, and bel asked me to leave a msg for her here:
"HIHI!!! watashi wa bel desU! dozo yoroshiku onigaishimasu!!!!"
yeah i juz copied and paste from our convo. lol.

okok, shall end here if not kenna nag. :p



Going down to meet my fat pig soon. I know she's gonna kill me once she sees this entry, because its already 720pm! By the time I reached town, should be around 845pm and its just right for her to finish her closing, haha.

Had been slping like a pig for the whole day. Too tired to move my arse out of the bed. Went to buy lunch back around 2+pm, watch tv and fell aslp again at around 4pm. By the time dear called me, I was still dreaming in my lalaland. haha.

Too lazy to search for clothes now. Gonna just wear wad I'm wearing now and head down to town. Yaya, who cares!

Till then,

SasH.



dear, juz read ur entry, so heres my reply.
first of all, itz ok lah, since its OUR blog, it doesnt matter who got down to doing it up mah.
as long there are traces of both of us in it, dats enough.

secondly, although i admit dat i cant say i am too happy with things right now, but its definitely not ur fault. i know this job is really impt to u, and i m glad to see u are enjoying it so much, at least it makes u happier at work den a job which u dun enjoy rite? u dun need to feel useless, becoz i know u are already trying to leave sum time for me, be it to meet up, tok online or on the fone. i can feel that too. as ur gf, its my responsibility to be mature and understanding abt ur job, becoz i noe if our situations are reversed, u will do the same for me too.

lastly, i agree to a certain extent dat wats past shld not be brought up as much as possible, becoz it holds no meaning to the present and future anyway. it shld juz be left as a lesson to learn from. but i guess i have to let u noe dat, i dunno why, but sum parts of the past juz cant be removed from my memory, no matter how hard i try. everytime it comes flooding back, i will subconsciously juz let it remain in me, till it naturally fades away again, or till i force it away. and immediatly after dat, i will feel guilty everytime i tink of u. its not dat i will act upon those memories, or even think of reliving them. the existence of those memories itself is enough to make me guilty. they shld be gone, juz like their reality. i dunno if i m expecting too much from myself, but i juz feel dat somehow, u still deserve 100% of me. but i juz cant give u dat yet.

i dunno how would u feel after reading the above. but i guess, since i asked u to share all ur feelings w me honestly, i shld do the same too. and since i have no guts to do it face to face, so do it here loh.

awaiting ur next entry.

Jo



Finally its my turn to do some posting. Thkz dear for spending the effort of setting up this blog that belongs to us. Promised I wanna do up one, but was always caught up with something else, sigh.

Nonetheless, our blog is up and its time for us to have our own privacy here. You had been held up with exams along the way and I just started on my new job. Time spent together was getting lesser. I can sense the frustration in you, yet I can't do anything much to help, such a useless me.

Glad that you enjoyed last nite's heart-to-heart conversation. I really don't mind having such conversations with you, as long as you're okie with it. And I can really "picture" the smile on your face. But sometimes I feel, not everything (as in 100%) has to be mentioned in such indepth context. Why? Because, who knows you might just hurt the other party's feeling without realising it? Or maybe, the other party is just too sick to bother bout' all these?

History, is what we learn from the past. And by learning bout' the past, it makes one understand the situation better and knowing what should and should not be done in the future. However, dwelling continuously on the past is not a good thing, as you will never see the future if you keep looking back.

My manager once said. "Don't ever regret and look back on what you'd chosen earlier on. Because, you're the one who chose this path and the past is already the past. Why look back, when there's plenty of tomorrows awaiting for you?"

So much for the craps, I'll be back for more.

Till then,

SasH.



hmmz, finally got down to typing my 1st post here.
honestly, it was really really nice to tok to u last nite.
an inhibited (nearly) conversation.
guess we haven tokked like that 4 quite sum time. shrugz.
after dat, i was damn high (according to cheryl).
went cosy bay with them coz i suddenly dun feel like going home.
was in the car with cheryl listening to music and doing stupid things, when she suddenly said "u are really diff when u r single and attached"
so as usual, i gave her the gong gong face and went "huh?"
den she say "when u r single u listen to all the sad sad songs, but now u do all the stupid stuff. i have never seen u so crappy b4 lah!" lol.
as usual, the egoistic me juz replied "aiya, muz be the combi of ciggies and grn tea lah, heh."
hmmz but now think abt it, i was really mad, i dun rmb doing anything like dat in my life so far.
lol, too happy lah.
we haven had long phone conversations since dunno when liao mah. heh.

anyway, decided not to go JB w my fren liao.
at least not for more den a day bah.
dun wry, i will keep myself busy w work, or wateva.

hmmz, kk shall stop here for now.
gonna continue searching for nice blogskins. :)



our 1st blog! :)
shall post my 1st post tmr.