i told u i will give u a reply to ur post, so here is it.

honestly, part of me is glad dat u are finally willing to express exactly wateva u feel, be it bad or good, coz i m getting abit tired of guessing.
i dun have the courage to ask u outright, and sumtimes u dun really give me much of an answer, but i still wanna noe wats wrong n try to do sumting, so i guess.
but at the end of the day, i still dun really noe if my guesses r right or wrong, becoz i suppose u r able to make the issue miraculously disappear after a while.
u told me b4, as long as i m willing to accept wateva answer u give me, bad or good, u will be totally open n honest abt ur feelings. and i said yes, i will. and i still meant wat i said to dis day.

however, part of me do hope not to read such a post. coz at the 1st instance, i really dunno wat to do. i cant brush the issue away as much as i would like to sumtimes, becoz u said it urself, it will come bk 1 day. but i dun really noe how to react to it, coz i never really thought abt it. in the 1st place, i didnt even expect any1 to tok 2 u abt it, coz i noe u will be affected. i noe shldnt even tok to ANYONE abt it coz words r never safe, but sumtimes i juz cant control myself, i juz need to get sum words out, b4 everyting will be ok. but i guess, sumtings cannot be hidden and brushed under the carpet forever.

i dun expect u to behave like my mum and write me long long emails becoz i noe dats not ur style. i dunno if i like u to kp asking and asking questions coz i oso noe dats not ur style too. maybe i was too used to the past, when my ex used to control most of wat i do and ask me alot of questions. after sumtime, i wun say i enjoy her doing that, but i grew numb to it, such dat i became used to my partner asking me questions over every single thing. so when i m with u, and u gave me nearly complete freedom, it felt abit weird. but its not ur fault, u are right, we are both adults and shld behave like 1. which is why when yiwei told me to behave like a kid occasionally when i wan abit more attention from u, and dat behaving childishly at times is fine, i told her no. maybe its my ego, or my character, but i juz cant really see myself being childish when my partner is mature, and prob u wun really like dat too.

i dunno whether wat i said above gave u any sort of answer, becoz i never really took the time to seriously think abt dis. coz all this while i only have 1 principle with regards to this matter, as long as it will make u unhappy but it is not serious enough for me to brg it up, i will not say anything unless forced. becoz sumtings, i juz need time to tink them through, b4 i can have my own answer. wat i hate most is not a negative outcome, its not knowing the outcome at all. wateva i m writing now, is juz wateva dat comes to mind.

i really appreciate everyting u have done for me, and all the care and concern u shown to me. i noe u are also trying as hard to make me happy, juz as i am to u. i can see all that, i really can. which only makes me even more wanting to protect and kp u happy for as long as i can. becoz there are not many pple in this world who r willing to do wat u are willing to do, n i noe i have treasure u while u are still ard. i m not a very expressive person, i m bad at words. maybe dats why u feel dat i hide alot of things from u or dat i dun say as much as u would like me too. but i juz wan to say, there r times when i m really very unhappy over some things dat may or may not concern u, and dat i really really hoped dat u will be there, and i noe u will if i asked, but i juz cant get the words out. i noe its wrong, but sumtimes i juz feel dat i shldnt kp bothering or relying on u so much, becoz i noe if i m unhappy, u will be too, and u will try to cheer me up. and i really really appreciate dat, but i will feel abit guilty for making u do dat. dun ask me why i feel dat way, coz i dunno why too.

ok, i guess i have to stop here, have to run errands for mum. tok to u 2nite. love u.